Marshalling marital harmony

Marshalling marital harmony

Renee EllisonMay 23, '21

Make Up, Make Out, and Make Do!

Make Up:
A good marriage is a waltz, not a courtroom.  The object is not to win, but to dance.  Life is simply too short to waste it fighting with your mate.  Stuffing "it" isn't an answer, either; you'll just explode later.  Both fighting and stuffing produce stress, not just emotionally but also at the cellular level, resulting in disease, trauma, and construction of veritable brick walls.  Say what you really feel all along the way, but after each such time, quickly return to your cheerful self to be the kind of lover you desire your mate to be.  Gladly take turns modeling what real marital love is supposed to be.  Woo your mate for a lifetime.  Keep short accounts.  Don't let the sun go down on disgruntlement.  Make up—now.  Do it.

Make Out:
One reason the marriage relationship is unique is that one man and one woman have given themselves (including their bodies) to the other – ‘til death do they part.  A healthy marriage includes countless times of coming together, spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, and physically.

Physical touch does what no verbal language can ever do.  In fact, it can wonderfully shut down and short circuit your left brain "legalese” entirely.  Your brain will sheepishly slip into "who-cares mode".  A good hug can end a fight; ‘tis a miracle on demand; make liberal use of it.  Regular pressing, hugging, touching, joyful mauling promote a sense of profound belonging, communicate value, and sustain the marital relationship with good will through thick and thin.  Especially during the thin.

Make Do:
Commitment is the #1 cure for marriage ills.
 Since it is often not feasible to change your spouse, learn how to “make do” with what is.  Adapt.  Carve out a happy existence for yourself around the edges with what is possible in your current circumstances.  Focus upon what you can improve of you.  This can turn a feeling of hopelessness into something positive and proactive regarding something you can affect and change.

Another aspect of “making do” in marriage is to stay out of all debt.  Lower your standard of living so that you do not add financial stress to your relationship.  Debt is chaos on wheels, wreaking havoc on countless marriages.  Debt is a root cause of many divorces.  It is sheer terror.  Keep your marriage out of this ditch, no matter what gyrations you have to go through to accomplish it.  How?

Start by living beneath your means—way beneath your means.  Live in a tent for awhile if you have to.  If you are jobless or between jobs, don't despise the lowly hour.  Consider every waking hour a small economic unit: if you don't put something in the bank (even earnings that are well below the so-called minimum wage), you will lose the economic potential of that hour forever—you'll lose time building a solid economic foundation so that tomorrow won't look like today.  In addition, you must also begin developing multiple income streams, either through entrepreneurial ideas of your own (ideas that pay as they go), or while working additional odd jobs in off hours as you can get them.

View debt as cancer to the marriage.  Get out of it now.  The deeper in debt you are, the more radical your actions and decisions have to be.

For further reading on this topic, order the following from us:

Wise Womanly Ways to Grow Your Marriage.

7 Womanly Secrets to Marital Harmony

How to Resolve Marital Conflicts Happily

How to Wrench Your Family out of Financial Catastrophe

10 Extraordinary Stories of Ordinary People Who Got Free of House Debt

Sure Financial Steps for Beginners

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