Herein are some thoughts and suggesting on helping a young person shift from tailgating socially to carrying the social setting. A good way to launch this discussion is to lead with the Story of Heidi. Heidi single-handedly changed her grumpy ole grandfather. How could your daughter make the entire household happier right now? Can she reverse a mood of everyone in the car...all by herself. Can she turn on the charm at a moment's notice when it is desperately needed by others in the group, or room? Women were miraculously designed by God to be able to do this; has she practiced it? Can she turn up the cheerfulness--up the degree of it at a moment's notice--single-handedly turning around a caving-in family dynamic. Can she alone rescue it and put it on a different path? When she enters a room, does she uplift the room by what she says and does? How? Does she coast or does she lead the emotional atmosphere, anytime, anywhere. Think of charming Victorian women in old movies...inculcating in her that sort of feel...swishing in the room with a tray of tea and crumpets...delighting everyone. Can she single-handedly host a tea or dinner with cheerfulness?
Has she studied various looks in the mirror...seen herself with a sparkle in her eye, and without one...with a smile and without one? Waking up to what other people are reading off her countenance...even before she says a word? Does she carry a lovely charm around with her? Can she do it better?
Training in expressing gratefulness
Not only to feel gratefulness but to express it...lots of expressing it...overkill expressing it... I'm thankful to you Mom and Dad for this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this....I'm thankful to you my brother for this and this and this and this....more of it said again in the evening...said when someone needs a boost...said with deliberateness to create warmth where there isn't any. How much of her speech can she devote to this? Does her heart spill over with gratefulness for what IS, not what might be? Does she compare her life with have-nots, or the have's? Looking at the have-nots produces oceans of gratefulness. Is she grateful for the smallest of things. Does she verbalize it?
Calling up grandparents or neighbors and leading with pull-you-out questions? What will the questions be? Has she written them down before the phone call? What pull-you-out questions will she use at the wedding? at the Bible study?
Training in relating to a man: Submission and openness with her daddy
And then two things with her daddy...
Consciously getting under his authority. Submitting to his godly leadership quickly--without slowness, or counter suggestions (or counter thoughts) that can seem to a man like trying to lead with little foxes nipping at his heels...or an undertow...that makes him doubt himself and have sadness in his attempts at leading.
And then giving him her heart. Wanting to honor her father by opening up to him. Sharing musings, wanting input with direction for her life, wanting his advice even in little areas...does this skirt look good?, should I buy this? should I go there? should I try out this? --working at the it takes to communicate with a man...and open her heart with a man....because she will need this same effort in marriage. "My son, give me your heart." Has she learned how to do that well? Does her daddy beam at their relationship because it brings him so much joy, to have a daughter who is close to him. Does she figure out ways to pamper him, cater to his needs and wants...delight him? This is as much her responsibility or more, than it is her daddy's. A man can't make this happen, a daughter can. It was a major topic at family week in the women's teaching...they begged the girls to get under their fathers...really under them.
[For more tips along these lines, download our e-Book on Training Further.]