For Sale:
1985 Blue Volkswagen for Sale (trade for scuba diving equipment or best offer). Odometer reading is 15 miles: only first gear and reverse gear were ever used from my home on a hill right next to beach... (forward to beach and reverse). Original tires, original brakes, original oil, original fuel, original windshield wipers, original turn signals, original lug nuts, original driver. Buyer picks up. Jamaica. Have taken up walking.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
How do you get two pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car? Eat it in the parking lot.
Advice from kids:
When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.
Don't sneeze when you are eating crackers.
If you want a kitten , start by asking your folks for a horse.
Kids' remarks:
The future tense of "I give" is "I take."
A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population.
Most of the houses in France are made of Plaster of Paris.
The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.
"Lead us not into temptation and deliver us from e-mail."
H2O is hot water. CO2 is cold water.
Water is purified by filtering it first and then forcing it through an aviator.
When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.
Kids' jokes:
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Well, anyone can ROAST beef! but who can pee soup?
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
What do Eskimos get from sitting on ice too long? Polar-oids.
What goes clop, clop, clop, bang-bang, clop, clop, clop? An Amish drive-by shooter.
For more family humor, get our 33-page e-Book of Clean Humor for Family Road Trips; currently on sale for 99 cents US.
