Early marriage struggles at unification

Early marriage struggles at unification

Renee EllisonMar 13, '22

Couples in a new marriage can be expected to fumble a bit. To help this process, the Lord may throw a cloak/veil over every young wife’s psyche when she has their first pregnancy.  Perhaps due to the effects of the hormone changes of carrying a baby, she may not be sharply attuned (at that time) to the real dynamics of her still-developing marriage, or what is causing relational hurt, especially if/when those dynamics are "off" a bit.  She may be walking through a fog for a while.  This allows her young husband to try his wings at leadership/dictatorship, sometimes veering off balance in this use of his new power and responsibilities.  It is only later that his young wife begins to help him modify it.  It is an important stage, no doubt, for the man's development, which the Lord seems to protect the woman through, being in la-la-land, consumed with looking after their newborn.  The marriage is out of focus.  For a while, things are blurry.

An adult daughter never needs to separate psychologically from her mother to any large degree.  Some does happen, but it isn't cosmic.  For the son, on the other hand, the separation from his mom is cosmic—and rightly so, for him to bond with his wife.  In the beginning, most guys do not do either process very well: the tearing away from his mom and the bonding with his wife.  He’s like a fawn, on wobbly legs.  Downstream, it gets better; God works upon the marriage, and the wife works upon the marriage, while the man works IN the marriage (doing what has to be done "practically,)" with not much thought about the emotions of the thing.

Over time, God alone makes the oneness—in spite of the two of them!  Decades later—if the couple have stayed committed in the marriage—the relationship begins to take on a matured form.  It is never fully without problems, but a greater ease in the working out of problems has resulted from a long, subconscious adapt-a-thon.  Ultimately, every marriage is a reformatory.  God is never a poor investor; He works on both spouses at once.

For further ideas for newlywed wives, read the book of Wise Womanly Ways to Grow Your Marriage.

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