Have you ever been in a play? Here's an idea that could be effective in having you do and say what you want to, rather than what your naughty flesh responded with. The husband is the intended audience for this post, but the concept would work for a wife, and for child-training, too.
As soon as you realize you've done and/or said something that wasn't pleasing to the Lord (that you wouldn't have done or said if He were standing in front of you), say (brightly and positively) "Re-do!" And then, say or do the right thing.
Here's the image for this new response-training mechanism: pretend you're practicing for a play you 'all are going to present. You didn't like how you performed just now, so you're going to stop right there and change the script to something much better. Before you do the re-do, you might have a very brief discussion about what you know was wrong on your part, and what you might have come up with instead. (This isn't time for a long, drawn-out hammering out of it, but it could reveal to you what it is that bothered the other person regarding the response you made just now.)
Just as if you were putting on a play at a family camp or at a social event, you probably have an audience (family members, friends, etc.) at least some of the time when you have an oops in your relational behaviors. So, to admit it and do a re-run, as embarrassing as it may be, will have the added benefit of your showing them you messed up (again) and that you are trying to do better. This will give hope to each of you that a new response is going to be seen. And, it will blow the cover of the Enemy, who doesn't want you to ever change from your pattern of negative, destructive reactions. Also, you'll soon not want to erupt with the wrong behavior, because you know you're going to have to bend under the bar and humbly come back with a re-do.
This plan wouldn't work well for a person who lacks humility and doesn't have a vision for how he (or she) should behave. If you do have each of those (humility and vision), and you have the presence of the Holy Spirit to guide, correct, and train you, this strategy is promising. If you have the head knowledge of how you ought to respond, these re-runs will work the correct responses into your being, into your redeemed flesh as one who is no longer a slave to the fleshly nature but is a child of the Most High and a loving presence in your home.
Note: Wise Womanly Ways to Grow Your Marriage is a book for wives; Beyond Discipline: Train your child's character is a book for training children.
