- If you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk.
- This car will explode on impact.
- 10,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
- Say no to "sham"poo; demand real poo.
- Half the people you know are below average.
- Deja fu: the feeling that somehow, somewhere, you've been kicked in the head like this before.
- Wear short sleeves — support your right to bare arms!
- I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather — not yelling like the passengers in his car.
- If it's not one thing, it's your mother.
- Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
- He who hesitates is not only lost but miles from the next exit.
- I don't suffer from insanity — I enjoy every minute of it.
- If you lived in a car, you'd be home by now.
- Ask not what you can do for me — just do it!
- Never mind the dog — beware of the owner!
- Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
- What rear view mirror?
- I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
- I fought the lawn and the lawn won.
- It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
- Rap is to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art.
- A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
- I didn't work my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables.
- Forget about world peace — try visualizing using your turn signal.
- Monday is a rough way to spend one-seventh of your life.
- Every stop to think, and forget to start again?
- I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
- Dyslexics of the world...UNTIE!
