Adamant: The very first insect.
Advertising: Makes you long for something you never heard of.
Archaeologist: Someone whose career is in ruins.
Baby: A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.
Baloney: The line at which a women's hemlines ideally fall [be-low-knee].
Chicken: A creature you eat before its born and after it's dead.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Coward: Someone who responds to an emergency by using his legs.
Dilate: To live long.
Genius: Someone who is a crackpot before he hits the jackpot.
Glutton: Someone who eats the slice of cake you wanted.
Health: The slowest possible rate of dying.
Maturity: Knowing which bridges to burn.
Miser: Someone who lets the world go buy--and makes a great ancestor.
Negligent: The condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Worry: An unlimited headstand.
Paradox: Two physicians.
Parasites: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
Procrastination: The art of keeping up with yesterday.
Skeleton: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
Stalemate: A husband who has lost his ardor.
Poise: The ability to be ill at ease naturally.
Toothache: The pain that drives you to extraction.
Upper crust: A lot of crumbs held together by their dough.
Undertaker: The last guy to let you down.