God gives every adult independent autonomy: freedom to have preferences, habits, approaches to things, lifestyles, opinions, independent spirituality of varying degrees etc. In any friendship relationship or love relationship that exists, those things still exist – but some of those things are modified, or voluntarily given up, or the other one is consciously deferred to as an expression of love, and to make the relationship companionable. The problem comes when those "givings-ups" are expected, coerced, demanded, wrenched from us by a boundaryless person.
You may have experienced this in a relationship, where there began to be an expectancy that you must DO right and BE right according to the other person or the fur would fly, the anger would increase, the commands would increase; the dismissiveness becomes strident. Often, the controlling person does not seem to understand that they are applying these negative pressures. If a person is not comfortable with something, their friend needs to give him or her a wide space and remember that they are a separate person, entitled to (and responsible for) their own autonomy. A controlling person captures their butterfly for the moment, but as soon as it has lived in the bottom of their jar, listless, it ruins what they most sought in a relationship: the joyful celebration of "otherness." They may win the battle of the moment but lose the war, lose the heart of the other person, that gradually slips away.
Here's an examples of indicators when someone is demonstrating a controlling spirit in a relationship. If he or she cannot see that there is a problem between the two of you, and cannot understand that he or she has any responsibility for the problem, may suggest that he or she has no empathic part functioning in his or her brain – isn't able to generate empathetic thought, i.e. enter into someone else's psyche to see anything from their point of view. Such a person may have been in denial about many things regarding his or her own self-identity, habits, lifestyle and financial choices, frantic and/or continual activities, etc. for a long time. It can be very difficult for you to foster a good relationship with someone who has no ability to be empathic. They are blind to that possibility.
For more on this topic, get our downloadable 18-page e-Book, How to Relate with Love to a Controlling Person. Available in 6 languages.
