Early potty training

You guys! [wrote our grown, married daughter] I just potty-trained a 14 month old! (Photo here is at 5 months.)  Pretty crazy to have a child who is potty-trained before she’s weaned. Sharing the journey here in case it’s inspiring to anyone! If it's not a topic of interest, just scroll on by.

I was ready to hand my little toddler the reins and give her more independence so she could feel that huge self-esteem boost and be done with the inherent shame of soiling oneself (you can see it in their faces when they poop their diaper. They know it's not right.)

It changed my perspective to realize that the diaper wasn't there to catch what is coming out regardless. The diaper provides a secure and always-dry feeling that invites a child to use it as a potty. Taking it off and going diaper free gives the brain a whole different message and that is NOT to just pee and poop everywhere. Mind blown. Pull-ups are diapers. Just take them off! In 1957, 92% of children were potty-trained by age 18 months. Completed. Done. Two years later disposable diapers came out and then the age started climbing until in 1999 the NY Times reported that 98% are potty-trained by age 4. Disposable diapers give no negative feedback. Also, the Montessori method says the sensitive period for potty training is 12-18 months. 

We have done elimination communication (EC) with diapers as backup since she was two weeks old. Babies are born not wanting to soil themselves, so instead of being frustrated as a parent that they pee and poop during diaper changes or right when a fresh diaper goes on, we can take advantage of their instincts and set them on the potty during diaper changes. Other natural easy catch times are: right at wake up, after eating, and after being taken out of something they’ve been sitting in for a while. Babies don’t pee while asleep but immediately upon waking up (there's a hormone that keeps them from soiling themselves in their sleep). They also hold it and don’t want to go on caregivers or while sitting in something. If your baby suddenly cries and struggles to get out of the carrier, high chair, or your arms, it’s likely a potty cue! Also, most parents aren’t aware how often crying is a baby asking for help getting their diaper off so they can relieve themselves. It’s life-changing to realize what these littles are capable of and feels meaningful to help them have more dignity by being responsive to their cues when itty bitty. Our baby has regularly gone potty held in a squat over public toilets, every grocery store run, in airplane lavatories in the air (often using one diaper the entire flight day)—no fear of the big flush because of starting so young. 

Anyway, we were encountering resistance with E.C. now at 14 months old. Resistance is a sign that a toddler is asking for more control. So I decided we were ready to go all in with a potty training long weekend. After much reading, I learned that readiness of the child is a myth. If the child can throw a temper tantrum, they know what they want and are ready. I spent several weeks prior to the intensive potty training weekend teaching her wet and dry by touching washcloths etc. until she could identify them reliably. Two or three times in the last several months, she had said "poop" or signed potty and held it until I took her, so I knew she had the ability to do so. She was getting complacent about diapers, looking at them and saying poop, so in that moment I realized that she thought of them as a wearable potty. And she is walking well. That's all the readiness we need!

So we collected all the diapers from around the house, told her she was all done with them and went naked bottomed for 4 days. I had to tell myself this process was not about me getting better at E.C. and being more adept at reading her cues and catching everything. This was time for me to back off, give her the "chance to fail" to experiment for herself. I would tell her when I saw her body giving cues and say "it's time to go potty" or "tell me if you have to go potty," but then I would give her space to walk to the potty, even if she chose not to do that and had accidents. (Side note, if you ask a little one "do you need to go potty?" they will always say no. Stick to the statements above and focusing on touching with the question, "are you dry?") Day one she cried "all done!" with the process, wanting her diaper back. We persevered. There are plenty of things little ones cry about and we don't say they're not ready to be buckled in the car seat, get out of the bath, etc. We know what's best for them, and firmly guide them in that direction. Resistance does not mean not ready. It's a big change, and that's stressful! 

I did not take my eyes off from her for 4 days. Exhausting. The goal is not to miss one pee or poop. If she didn't sign or ask to go potty, I would take her mid accident straight to the potty. Less talk, more physical teaching is what does it (I learned the hard way by being overly anxious and talking too much about it day one). By day 2, she signed potty twice mid-breastfeeding and lunch. Another time or two she said "uh oh" (as if premeditating an accident) and came willingly to the potty. 

I put her in undies for naps and said "keep your undies dry, tell Mama when you need to go potty" immediately before she went to sleep so it was fresh on her mind. Then I would get her at the first wiggle so she didn't even have a chance to go. I put cloth diapers on her the first two nights, thinking I could fool her that they weren't diapers since she hadn't seen them in 5 months. Then she pulled on it to try to take it off during one bedtime and melted my heart saying "all done!" I said "I'm putting these on you at night because you're still learning" and breastfed her. She pulled off in the middle, signed potty, I took her and she went, and I took the diaper off and said "I get it, we did tell you you were all done. I trust you!" I woke her for a sleepy pee at 11 p.m. cuddled leaning into me off the potty on the changing table, and she was dry in the morning. Next night she went 12 hours and woke up saying "Mama." I ran in and she was dry!! She had been peeing and pooping in her diaper every morning for months and refusing a morning EC "pottytunity" so this was a big change. 

Giving her the reins and putting her more in the driver's seat and me more as the helper has been huge for this to work. Yes I still just put her on the potty at those easy catch times but now she goes more willingly because she is motivated to keep her undies dry. 

If you've been holding off on potty training or think you have to wait till your child is 2 or 3 or 4, just know that these littles are capable of far more than we give them credit for. I mean, come on, we expect puppies to be housebroken. Are they smarter than human babies? The moral of the story is, no judgment for anyone who waits till 18 or 24 months or whatnot, but if you want to try earlier just Go Diaper Free, commit to it with intention for at least 4 days before you decide it's not working and let yourself be surprised! Yes, it's stressful and exhausting those first few days but so worth it to see these little humans' confidence in themselves bloom, and honestly it's not as bad as we make it out to be in our minds.