In the great cosmos, in the heavenly court there is a vicious accuser of the brethren operating day and night before the throne of God. Blaming and shaming believers is Satan's favorite past-time. In Hebrew, Satan literally means accuser. Unfortunately, our fallen nature tends to imitate Satan instead of God. Having negative thoughts is effectively bringing forth accusations against someone, unwittingly falling into Satan's modus operandi.
Could it possibly be that a huge component of marital discord comes about from our private thought life, when we, ourselves, mentally enter into this cosmic drama by accusing our own spouse? Is our spouse our real enemy? Have we unwittingly sided with the wrong one, silently blaming our spouse for all manner of matters, sabotaging our own tightest bond of love on earth?
There is a reason King David said "May the meditations of my heart be holy and acceptable in thy sight ,oh Lord my rock and my redeemer." He knew that the quiet (and often smoldering) agitated mental arena is where real warfare is won. How much better to nip the mental destructive self-talk and open up more and better respectful communication instead -- not so that we can "win" our point, or our perspective but so that the MARRIAGE can win, so that the marriage can truly advance.
Communication can be tough. That is why most couples avoid it, or think it is too exhausting, or has all been said before, or goes nowhere -- wearing us down, goading us to give up hope. Taking the issue to a mature, very experienced marriage counselor, or deciding to air it in front of older successful marriages of believers for added third party perspective, can help break up the gridlock. Praying together over the issue allows for time and space for both spouses to hear from God on the matter. For particularly stubborn dynamics, it can also be freeing to just personally mentally craft some new better responses to existing patterns that don't or can't get changed, because generally it's easier to change ourselves than to change someone else. It never hurts to courageously communicate yet again, about recurring issues. We can lovingly point out ever new examples of the troubling dynamic or damaging fallout from it. This is far superior to doing nothing and allowing phantom lions and tigers to still pace about in one's head, merely imagining that we are advancing when actually the marriage is stuck in the mud.
King David knew what he was talking about to beg God for help to get command of his private thought-life. He wanted a life of moving forward with God, of personal growth, of enlargement, of compassion, of increased other-worldly, long enduring love, not stagnation. Let us be newly aware of what lives in our head -- and fight our own dragons there, ultimately replacing our conundrums with confidence in God to heal them and/or to offer new solutions.
For a practical book of insights for wives, read Wise Womanly Ways to Grow Your Marriage.
